Don't u know i like and love u being around me?!i don't have any friends who are close to heart and as i said b4, ur my best friend..and that's y when i'm back home with my family,i felt close...i'm happy there...and yet i will still spend some time with you whenever i could...i couldn't at times for one or another reason which i don't know whether or not u know...
Y didn't i mix around?!why i can't get close to anyone?because u r here...imagine if ur not here...last time in UCSI i would be mingling around with joyce and likim and canny n limin gang...in notts, i would be with tsi ngar group...without the weekend spending with u instead,i would be with them...but because of u..i din care those...even hui or carmen, how frequent u c i communicate with them?!not that i don't want...but if i'm with them...there wouldn't be anytime for u...and i din't want that...
u said on the phone what have i sacrificed for u...that i always accept and never give...i don't think like u...buying sushi and stuffs,i din c it as sacrifice....i just wan to give u a surprise and see u happy...walking to ur house...cuz we quarrel and i din wan to take bus and i needed to c u...i don't know what sacrifice is and for me,i just do whatever i can think of...to make u happy...
the UCSI matter was a great one to me...how it affect me...just gotta let go...even when we went there for the second time and met Mr Ikhwan, u still asked me don't send in my results..i wonder what will happen if i just ignored u that moment and send in...i would be in...and....well...
U said i lost my teenage life in my 2 years life in MRSM...and now,ur putting me into a situation as b4...and there goes my...adulthood?!u said i was naive...stupid...this and that...then how would this make a difference?!u want me to change from that...and when im in there...i would just be the same all round...
I asked my family to come back earlier or holis...to go KL to be with u...christmas once...and coming one...and ur birthday...remember,it might be easy for u to ask the same thing from ur parents...but we're all different....that's what make the difference....
And don't mention i'm controlled by my dad...sometimes he's irrational...that i know...but some of his actions was merely because...im his daughter...and all he wants is to protect me...i don't know how would u react as a dad next time...but i hope u'll be like my dad...as far as protection..
i told u daddy scolded me on the phone and asked me to break off with u...he said one thing i'll remember the rest of my life...next time u'll married off and what do i get back?!ur bro is now asking and wants to study oversea...
but he sacrified it for me...do u know my bro ask my dad to send me oversea study instead of him earlier on?!?
Hubby,i don't have friends to spill out everything on...and i'm not one to spill everything to someone either...i have more grief inside than u do...i remember everything...which i will not forget...or frankly saying i can't...
You're scared and afraid that u'll lose me...but i tell u,u won't..and this is not any quote or resemblance from ur past...don't reminisce those...no matter how similar it seems to be...cuz it's all in ur mind..
i lost a dear bro close to heart to me when i was very very small...a bro i told u b4...and everytime i think bout it..tears will roll down..i can still feel his connection with me...and i don't know how or why it is so...but whenever i thought bout him...i can feel him looking on me...his calm face...smile...if only he's here now...my bro...i lost...
hubby..i love u very much...missing u lots too...u must take good care of urself too k?i might be selfish as u said...but everyone did...u did...i did...we all did...all in all,i just wanna say...
Hold me tightly...but let your grip be a gentle one...
p/s: sorry that i din went to sleep after closing the phone...just want to write blog...and spill out everything...im not heartless...i have feelings...and each word u say now...other than those sweet missing and lovings...are just...still bearable...hm...nite...going to sleep now...
valley of sadness kindles,
residing in each either one of us,
buried deep within the heart,
as long as time unfold the memories fort.
remember where we are?!
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